


Conviction

by Jacklyn_Flynn



Series: Tumblr Related [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: BUT TRUE, Consensual Non-Consent, Cullistair, Desire Demon - Freeform, Explicit Consent, M/M, Past Abuse, These two are adorable, ali is a sweetheart, and a terrible flirt, and a terrible one-liner on legs, different ending, kinloch sucked balls, love sees you through, man that's corny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24770776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacklyn_Flynn/pseuds/Jacklyn_Flynn
Summary: Cullen relives an abuse from his past with the knowledge that he is different now. He loves Alistair and that will always see him through.This was the prize for my Tumblr giveaway that jellysharkbat won!
Relationships: Alistair & Cullen Rutherford, Alistair/Cullen Rutherford
Series: Tumblr Related [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779646
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Conviction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jellysharkbat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellysharkbat/gifts).



> I cannot stress enough that this entire scenario is COMPLETELY CONSENSUAL with both parties. This could very well be triggering for people with past sexual abuse so please do not continue if non-con, even in a roleplaying scenario, makes you uncomfortable. Take care of yourself. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Consensual non-con, past abuse, sexual abuse, degradation

The darkness around Cullen was absolute. His knees ached from kneeling on them for so long and his shoulders protested the odd angle that his bonds dictated. He could hear the footsteps of his tormentor circling him. The demon continued to whisper in his ears, everywhere and nowhere. It knew his darkest desires, just like the demon that had tormented him at Kinloch. 

“You’re still weak,” it hissed in his ear, making him shrink away. “Your affections make you weak. Just like your Surana. What did you do to help her? Nothing.  _ She  _ had to save  _ you _ . You were her protector but your infatuation made you soft.” It mocked him in a familiar voice. A voice of one that he loved, which made it all the harder.

“And now, your infatuation with this Warden, this sad excuse for a king, has made you more weak.” The disgust was palpable. 

“He makes me stronger.” Cullen protested. His voice was weak, but his conviction was not. “He makes me better.” 

“Like after Kinloch? When you ran to Kirkwall and ‘helped’ those mages? Mmm, your love for Surana made you stronger.” The mockery made anger well up inside of him, despite his compromised position.

“I didn’t love Surana.” Cullen countered. “I was infatuated.” 

“Is that what you tell yourself to lessen the pain of your weakness?” The voice, Alistair’s voice, sneered at him. 

“I didn’t love her,” Cullen said, his voice growing stronger. 

“But you love this Warden, Alistair?” The voice was curious, still circling him. 

“I-” Cullen hesitated. He could lie and make his torture easier to endure, or tell the truth and suffer.  _ Could _ he do that? “I do, and you can’t change that.” Perhaps he was weak. He couldn’t forsake Alistair, even if it meant more pain.

“Interesting.” One hand brushed against his bare shoulder. All of him was bare. Physically, mentally, emotionally. “If your ‘infatuation’ led to the dehumanization of mages-” the hand dragged over his back to the opposite shoulder. “-and destruction of a circle, what would the loss of this ‘love’ lead to? What glorious chaos could I unleash in you that my brethren merely began at Kinloch?” 

“I am a different man.” Cullen’s protest was growing weak again. If he had reacted that way to an infatuation, what would losing Alistair do to him? A chill shot up his spine despite the demon’s touch retreating. “Far different from the boy in Kinloch.” He knew this, and yet the demon’s words still started to niggle at his brain, planting seeds of doubt. 

The voice was suddenly at his ear, purring in its delight. “Indeed. You  _ are _ a man now. A strapping-” a warm finger touched his chin, “-handsome-” and slid down his chest and stomach, -”virile man.” He willed his body not to respond to the voice of his lover, deep with need. The laugh nearly undid him. “Indeed, this is love! How your pretty cock twitches at the slightest attention from this ‘king’.” The demon spat out the title in disgust. 

“It took days for my brethren to bring you to attention at the  _ sight _ of your Surana, and yet just this Alistiar’s voice seems to make your very blood boil.” The blindfold was ripped from his head and before him stood Alistair himself. The darkness around them was still consuming. The only light in the room was the dull moonlight filtering from a single, small point. Even the celestial bodies had abandoned him.

His eyes stung at the sight of the creature wearing Alistair’s skin and wearing it well. The warm skin and warmer eyes. The golden highlights in his brown hair were missing in the light, but the upturned front and cowlick were a perfect imitation. The demon smirked at him, one brow raised over twinkling eyes and a playfully lopsided grin. The familiar expression made his throat tighten.

“Would you like to be with him? I can give you that.” It promised, kneeling in front of Cullen. “I can see your desires. All of the wonderful things that you love doing to him, or having him do to you.” 

“You aren’t him.” Cullen’s amber eyes were defiant, but his brow was wet. He struggled not to break. Again. 

“You would hardly be able to tell the difference!” Alistair’s hands-the demon’s-were thrown up in typical Alistair fashion. “It’ll be fun…” The sing-song voice sounded so real and so inviting. The demon shuffled closer to Cullen on its knees. He couldn’t back away to keep from feeling his lover’s warm skin against his chest. Skin he loved to taste and explore. The demon even smelled like him. Vague spice mixed with leather and blade oil.

Cullen’s wrists jerked at the chains that bound them to his ankles. He couldn’t retreat when Alistair’s hand brushed against his traitorous cock. “And all you have to do is admit that love, that Alistair, makes you weak. And then you can revel in him for all eternity. Endless pleasure with no more torment. Submission is so much easier than defiance. I would have thought you’d learned that at Kinloch.” 

“I will never admit such a thing and I will  _ never _ submit to you. I didn’t at Kinloch and I won’t now.” Somehow it was easier to say those words to Alistair, even if it wasn’t him. He was making a promise to  _ him _ not the demon. “I would rather die than give my body to you and admit my love makes me weak. I will not be a vessel for your terror and chaos.” 

"I am not that man any more." He wasn't. He had taken responsibility for his actions and did not hide behind youth and inexperience. He actively tried to make the world a better place. He was trying. He was trying so hard.

The anger burned in his eyes and once he’d said his piece, he looked down at the floor between them. Squeezing his eyes closed, he released himself from this torment. “Mabari.” 

Immediately Alistair rose from in front of him and his bonds were removed. Strong but gentle arms help him stand on shaking legs. A gentle voice murmured into his ear soothing words of comfort and love. He sat on a soft bed and one by one pinpoints of candle light flared to life. The best of the guest rooms in Skyhold slowly came to his blurred vision. 

Alistair sat next to him and Cullen found himself falling against his lover’s side, resting his head on Alistair’s shoulder. He was squeezed tight against Alistair's warm body with a strong arm. He could vaguely feel Alistair shaking.

“I’m sorry.” Cullen whispered, wishing now that he could hide from his lover. This was far beyond a reasonable expectation of anyone. 

“No.” Alistair’s firm voice immediately responded. His fingers curled under Cullen’s chin, gently urging him to lift his head. Once he did, he kissed him gently, brushing his thumb over Cullen’s flushed cheek. “Don’t be sorry. We all have pieces of our past we wish we could do differently. Fears that follow us and haunt our sleep. I-” Alistair would never deny that this little roleplay was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but he would never admit that to Cullen who so clearly needed it. It had been months of progress and trust to get him to admit he wanted to do this and then months more talking over the circumstances and scenario before they were comfortable enough to play it through. 

“I am so honored that you trusted me with that, Cullen. I hope it was what you needed.” Alistair finished, kissing Cullen’s temple. "I love you. You've come so far since we found you in that tower. I'm so proud of the man you've become. So proud."

Cullen closed his eyes and nodded, finding Alistair’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “It was...I needed to-” Alistair could feel the shame and guilt willing up inside of Cullen.

"It's okay, love. You don't have to explain or justify anything. We all process differently. I hope, after holding this in for so long, you can heal a little more. I need you to know this changes  _ nothing _ between us, or how I feel about you. I love you, my lion," Alistair said affectionately.

"Can I ask something else of you?" Cullen's confidence was starting to return with Alistair's reassurances.

“Anything. You can ask anything of me.” Alistair replied immediately. What could possibly be harder than that?

The Commander’s eyes opened and sought out Alistair’s in the dim candle light. “Even under the guise of the demon, I can't deny that I was taken in by you. You always being out the...well-"

"Horn dog in you? The needy lust monster? The demon in your pants?" Alistair, he knew, could keep that up forever.

Cullen's snort of laughter immediately lessened the tension. "Yes, those."

Alistair's smile lessened slightly. "Are you sure you're up for that? No judgement either way."

"I need you, Alistair. Maker, right now more than ever. The last encounter didn't end like that and this one..I knew it would. I knew you would be waiting on the other side." The tremor in Cullen's voice showcased his vulnerability in that moment.

"Well then." Alistair wove his fingers together and then extended them palms out, making his knuckles crack. "Be prepared to be wooed, seduced and thoroughly satisfied. The vice hero of Ferelden is yours for the night."

He gently pushed Cullen into his back, blanketing his body over the Commander's. "You just sit back and relax. I've got you."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This was my first foray into Cullistair and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. I'm glad for the opportunity to go out of my comfort zone and try something new!
> 
> <3 Jacks


End file.
